Red Tears
by You-Need-A-Cookie
Summary: Right after Ed finds out about Hughes' death, Ed thinks its all his fault and he has another break down and heads to the bathroom to relive this guilt. When Roy walks in on him he tries to help ed through this hard time Warning! cutting and foul langue possible yaoi? Idk... if i feel like it T just to be safe :3
1. Chapter 1

(A/N) ok, this is my first angst... so be nice...  
I do not own FMA nor will i ever...

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My name? Edward Elric.  
My life? happy? sad? I don't even know myself...  
Current emotional state? One word, Broken.

There are many things wrong with me, we all know this. I'm not perfect. In fact, I'm the opposite of perfect.

I can't seem to find happiness, all I can do for others is make their lives a living hell...

1) I convinced Al to commit human transmutation, the greatest of all taboos... now, he spends his days in a suit of armor.

2) I got a job as the youngest state alchemist in order to get mine and my brothers body's back to their original state but I can't seem to follow commands...

3) Winry and pinoko try their hardest to make me the best automail they can. And what do I do? Ruin it, regularly...

4)I took a job offer in Lior and exposed a fake priest. Good right? No... the whole city righted agent each other.

I can't handle it all sometimes... I feel like I can't anything right, that if I want something to get done right, someone has to do it for me. i'm surprised no one found out my secret yet. Especially Winry. I mean, she woks on my other arm and when ever some one needs to fix my automail, I need to strip down to my boxers. They don't see, no one ever dose, and if some one, in some way found out, they wouldn't care. No one would.

I'm also surprised that Al of all people hasn't seen. I mean, first off, I live with him. And second, he sees broken plastic around the bathroom, transmuted off a disposable razor. He asked what all of it was once and I just said that I didn't want the blade ripping the bag open so I use the blades for thickening out his armor or if I need to fix something on my automail. Pretty crappy excuse I guess. But its all I got for him.

I keep a little rag in my pocket holding the blades in case I need to run away from everything and I'm not close to my apartment.

But three days ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life...

I found out Hughes died, trying to help me and my brother of course. I couldn't handle it... I ran to the boy's bathroom and no one was there. Al just stood outside because he had no need to intercept. I quickly rolled up my sleeve. Looking over my arm to find a place where I hadn't cut already, I had cuts from the bottom of my wist to about my elbow. I got out my blade and the rag and made a deep cut in my arm. I was on the verge of tears just thinking about how Mrs Hughes and his daughter wont be able to see him again. All my fault, just like everything else. I made a few more cuts then ran to the sink to clean off my arm.

I heard the door open and looked away, facing the paper towels.

"Hello fullmetal" I heard colonel Mustang say, walking up to the mirror to fix his hair. when I didn't respond or even look away from the paper towels he looked at me in confusion.

"Fullmetal, Is everything alright?"

I didn't respond. I grabbed my bleeding arm with my automail arm and put my head down.

"Fullmetal, did we run out of towels? I can go get some if you need me to."

Still, I stay quiet

"fullmetal" He reached out and grabbed my automail shoulder, I quickly shrugged him off and rolled down my sleeve.

"Fullmetal, are you hiding something?"

I just nod.

"What are you hiding?"

I stood still and was trying to send him a message via thought to go the hell away.

"Is it a weapon? Or is it like a dirty picture. I wont tell if its something like that, but if its a weapon, I'll have to take it away. Unlike Me and Hawkeye, your not old enough to carry a weapon around."

I stood still, trying to stay quiet, but- "I guess you could call it a dirty picture..." I mumbled to myself...

"Then I have to ask you to hand it over, I can't let you have things like that here" the colonel said holding out his hand

I griped my arm tighter. I could still tell I was bleeding from the dark red spots forming on my jacket.

"Fullmetal, give it here or I will take it from you." He said, starting to sound like a teacher, or even a parent...

"It would be hard to take it away from me, you know that..." I said, trying to find a way to get him out of my bubble.

"I know how stubborn you can be- fullmetal, is that blood?" the colonel said looking at my jacket sleeve, now with small patches of blood on it about a centimeter or two each.

"Just leave me alone colonel..." I said walking away

When he stopped me and grabbed my arm a froze. Not only because his tight grip was on my fresh cuts but I knew what he was going to do.

He rolled up my sleeve and his face, it looked like he was being stabbed in the back by his best friend. he stood in front of me and got out a piece of paper and a pen. He wrought something down and handed it to me. It was an address and a phone number with 'Roy' at the bottom written in cursive.

"I will be expecting you by ten. if your not there by eleven, I will come and pick you up. If your brother asks where your going say you have a meeting with me." he said and walked out the door.

Looks like I'll be explaining the obvious to someone...

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(A/N) Okay! So what did you think? should I even have the yaoi pairing, or leave it as it is...? ehh.. I don't know... I guess I'll find that out when the time comes... anyway, please R&R :3


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own FMA but I do own Bella... Bella is mine :3

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I sat in my apartment reading a book on water alchemy that I probably read a thousand times before.

Al was out picking up food for me and wax for his armor while I sit here, twenty minutes till ten, worrying about what was going to happen at the colonel's house.

Was he going to ask why?  
Is he going to try and get me to stop?  
Has he told anyone?  
Will he tell anyone?

I found myself not paying any attention to the book I was reading. Not like I really cared anyway. Alchemy was the last thing on my mind right now. I just have to look at the clock till its time for me to leave.

I really wish I could bale, but that looks impossible right now. He will just come and pick me up if I don't show up.

I look at the clock and see that its ten minutes till ten. I right a note saying where i'm going and leave it there for Al. Last time I didn't inform him where I was and he freaked the fuck out. So after that I started walking to the colonel's house.

I looked at the note and saw it wasn't to far from where I was staying so I didn't need to take a taxi, the I thought, what if he doesn't care? What if he just wants healthy solderers so that he looks good? What if i'm just another pawn in his massive game of chess?

It started to rain. slowly coming down. One drop here, another over there, but soon started to pour. I looked at my pocket watch and saw it was fifteen minutes after ten, then I sat on a curb in the pouring rain.

Like I said before, no one cares if i'm there or not, so why not just sit here on a lonely curb, alone, like I always have been.

After what seemed like forever, a pair of bright lights came rushing over a near by hill, then started to slow down, and get slower, and slower, till they finally came to a halt. The pair of bright lights belonged to a black four setter car.

"Fullmetal? is that you? What are you doing out here! You're going to catch a cold!" I looked up to see the colonel with a mixture of confusion and worry in his expressions, and he draped his coat over my shoulders. he practically pushed me into his car and we started to drive to his house.

"Why were you out there, you might have gotten sick you know." The colonel said, looking at the road with slightly damp hair.

"So, no one cares..." I saw the car pull up to a two story house with a set stairs leading to the door.

"Don't you ever say that fullmetal. Lots of people care about you" He said Moving a piece of hair out of my face. "Now, lets get you dried off and discus this whole thing, shall we?" I just nodded.

He got out his door and went around the car to open mine. "Don't think of that romantic or anything, the door opens from the outside only." he said with a slight snicker.

We walked up the stairs and he unlocked the door. When I stepped inside, a rush of warmth spreed through my whole body and the smell of alcohol overwhelmed me.

The sound of a loud 'clicking' on hardwood flooring knocked me out of my thoughts and a dog appeared before me. A black dog, as black as the colonel's hair, and about thigh high on me, jumped onto the colonel's chest with a orange rubber toy in its mouth. "Fullmetal, I'd like you to meet my dog, Bella."

Bella turned towards me and dropped he toy so she could pin me down and lick the water droplets off my face. I started to laugh a little, I couldn't help but find this a little normal to me, a little like home.

When Bella finally go off me, thanks to the colonel, he motioned Bella and I to follow him upstairs.

We ended up in the living room, not much but it was nice. Two couched, a glass coffee table and a small bookshelf with a radio on top next to a fire place made up the place.

"Fullmetal, would you like something to drink?" the colonel asked

"Um, how about a water?" I ask nervously.

"Okay I'll be back with a glass of milk of you." I just sighed and looked out the window, watching the rain pelt ageist it like bullets. I never really _hated _milk, it was all just an act, comic relief I should say. When ever someone was unhappy in any way, I would always pull one of my strings to get their mind off whatever it is. my favorite being, the milk one. I would get their mind off the one subject that was bugging them and get them focused on something else.

The colonel came back a minute later with a glass of water and put it on the coffee table and for him, a glass of wine.

He cleared his thought "So, Fullmetal..."

"Why am I even here?" I ask in annoyance

"Because, I don't want this to continue, you don't want this to continue. What happens when Al and Winry find out! How will you explain this to them?" The colonel exclaimed.

"Colonel, don't get me started on this shit. I could smell the alcohol a mile away! Explain that." I said with a growing smirk growing on my face.

He sighed "How about this, you tell me your story and I tell you mine, equivalent exchange. Dose that sound okay with you?"

I thought for a moment, why would Roy Mustang, be a drunk? All I know about him is that he fought in Ishval. Nothing else, but, now I want to know. "Okay, sounds fair. But, you tell me your story first though."

"Stubborn as always I see, well here it goes." He drank the rest of his wine "When I was about your age, maybe even a little older, I had a best friend, more like a best friend. He was smart, stubborn, and a great alchemist, just like you" he laughed a little "Well anyways, one day, we were in the woods and he was trying to teach me some alchemy for the first time. Before we knew it, a black van pulled up near by, and a man came out. He opened the trunk and pulled out a body bag, and a shovel. He started digging and i suggested we try and get away as fast as we could before he caught us. I stepped on a branch and froze. He started walking towards us with a gun and he found us. He forced us into the van. He put a rag over our mouths and we passed out

When I woke up I was blind folded and I heard two men arguing over something in a different language and some one put something in my hands. It was heavy and metal, they put one of my fingers in a hole and told me to pull. I stood still trebling and he told me again, but louder and more threatening this time. I pulled my finger back and I heard a loud bang. The man took off my blind fold but I couldn't open my eyes. I felt a warm liquid on my hands and all over my shirt. I opened my eyes slowly and saw my friend, bleeding, gasping for air, and his arm reaching out towards me. Before his life went completely went black, he said that it wasn't my fault and that he loved me. I killed my best friend and now that Hughes is dead, I don't know what to do. He was the first person I allowed to be my friend after that incident and I can't even do the simplest of tasks and find out who his killer is."

I felt myself start to tear up. The great flame alchemist, went through something so traumatizing, so evil, and he's still sane? And what was that last part? That his friend said he loved him? He loves his killed. Almost poetic.

"Now that I spilled my beans, I expect you to the same after I get myself a scotch." The colonel said after getting up and heading to the kitchen.

So he really dose care?

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(A/N) So here is chapter two :) What did you guys think? And I'm still fuzzy on weather I should do the paring... Please R&R! :)

Oh! before I forget! Roy's back story, is not mine. I got his back story from some one from 'we day'. WE day is this thing and stuff happens during it. so I saw some one and they told a story of how when they were 6 they had to kill their best friend. So yes something similar to what i just wrote happened to some one... in real life... wow... kinda makes you wanna cry... But I can't remember what his name is for the life of me -_-...


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